Wednesday, 18 July 2012

:P :P :P



I am dying

Husband texts to wife on cell..
"Hi, what r u doing Darling?"
Wife: I'm dying..!
Husband jumps with joy but types "Sweet Heart, how can I live without U?"
Wife: "U idiot! I'm dying my hair.."
Husband: "Bloody English Language!
An Angry Wife To Her Husband 0n Phone: 
"Where d Hell Are You ...?"
Husband: Darling You Remember That Jewellery Shop Where You Saw The Diamond Necklace n Totally Fell In Love With It n I Didn't Have Money That Time n I said "Baby It'll Be Yours 1 Day ... "O:)
Wife, With A Smile & Blushing: Yeah I Remember That My Love!
Husband: I ‘m in the Pub Just Next To That Shop

Husband was seriously ill. Doc to wife: Give him healthy breakfast, be pleasant & in gud mood, don’t discuss ur problems, no tv serial, don’t demand new clothes & gold jewels,
Do this for 1 yr & he will be ok.
On the way home.. Husband: what did the doc say ?
Wife:- .No chance for u to survive

''An Intelligent Wife Is One Who Makes Sure She Spends So Much
That Her Husband Can't Afford Another Women"
Woman Buys A New Sim Card Puts It In Her Phone And Decides To Surprise Her Husband Who Is Seated On The Couch In The Living Room. She Goes To The Kitchen, Calls Her Husband With The New Number: "Hello Darling"
The Husband Responds In A Low Tone: "Let Me Call U Back Later Honey, The Dumb Lady Is In The Kitchen..

Cool Msg by a woman: Dear Mother-in-law, "Don't Teach me how 2 handle my children, I'm living with one of yours & he needs a lot of improvement"

In an African Safari, A LION suddenly bounced on Santa's wife.     
WIFE: Shoot him! Shoot him!        
SANTA: Yes, Yes. I'm changing d battery of my camera..

Husband was throwing knives on wife’s picture. All were missing the target!       
Suddenly he received call from her "Hi, what r u doing?"  
His honest reply, "MISSING U"
When a married man says "I'll think about it",
What he really means that,  He doesn't know his wife's opinion yet..

A Lady to Doctor:   
My husband has  habit of talking in sleep! what shud i give him to cure?
Dr: Give him an Opportunity to speak wen hez awake


Wife: Do you want dinner? 
Husband: Sure, what are my choices?       
Wife: Yes and no.

What is the Difference between Mother & Wife?    
A - One Woman Brings U into this world crying... & the other ensures U Continue to do so.

Interviewer to Millionaire: To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire?"
Millionaire: "I owe everything to my wife."
Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman.   
Interviewer: "What were you before you married her?"    
Millionaire: "A Billionaire"

Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?      
Darling: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.
Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Darling: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem Can there be greater than this one?

Wife: honey, what r u looking 4?    
Husband: nothing
Wife: why have u been reading our marriage certificate 4 an hour?          
Husband: i was just looking 4 the expiry date

Husband asks: Do you know the meaning of WIFE? It means...    
Without Information, Fighting Everytime!
WIFE says: No darling, it means:   
With Idiot For Ever


LOVE IS LIFE          
LIFE IS WIFE          
WIFE IS KNIFE and 
KNIFE IS DANGEROUS

Nobody teaches Volcanoes to erupt,           Tsunamis to devastate, Hurricanes to sway around & no one teaches How to choose a Wife,

NATURAL DISASTERS JUST HAPPEN.

Wife: yesterday-night I saw a dream  that u were sending me jewellery and clothes!
Husband: yeah, I saw your dad paying the bill!!!

Your husband needs rest

Doctor: Madam, your husband needs rest and peace, so here are some sleeping pills.
Wife: Doc, when should I give them to him?         
Doctor: They are for you.!
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